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Funniest Coffee Jokes & Puns

We’ve bean brewing something here at LaffGaff  that’s right, these funny coffee jokes, puns and one-liners!

If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.

If other people get dizzy when they look at you, and Starbucks holds the deed on your house, you may be drinking too much coffee.

Coffee Jokes

If you can thread a sewing machine while it is running and your first aid kit includes coffee for an I.V. drip, then you may be drinking too much coffee.

If you answer the door before someone knocks on it, you may be drinking too much coffee!

If you grind your coffee beans with your teeth, you may be drinking too much coffee!

If you name your cats Cream and Sugar, and your first child Juan Valdez, you may be drinking too much coffee.

If you have a picture of your favorite coffee mug on your favorite coffee mug, you may be drinking too much coffee.

If you sleep with your eyes open, watch videos in fast-forward, and lick your coffeepot clean, you may be drinking too much coffee.

If you buy half-and-half by the gallon, wore out your coffee mug handle, and you don’t sweat but instead percolate, then you may be drinking too much coffee.

If you’re favorite part of getting inebriated is sobering up with a cup of coffee, you may be drinking too much coffee.

HEY BARISTA!

“Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer. “Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.” “Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.

COFFEE GROUNDS AND MARITAL BLISS

Did you know that making horrible coffee for your mate is grounds for divorce?

Wife: “Ouch, I spilled some coffee on my hand. It’s hot!”

Husband: “Oh no, that was gourmet coffee you spilled!”

Husbad: Every time my wife coughs I yell “EE!”. She doesn’t think it’s funny.

BIBLE COFFEE JOKE

Did you hear about the woman who insisted it was a man’s job to make the coffee in the morning. She showed him the bible where it said Hebrews!

MEDICAL COFFEE JOKES

A man complained to his doctor that every time he took a sip of his coffee he felt a stabbing pain on his face. “Take the spoon out of the cup,” replied the doctor.

Why is it that a shot at a cafe is relaxing, and a shot at a doctor’s office is nerve-racking?

“Do you exercise,?” the doctor asked the patient. “Sometimes I shake when I drink too much coffee,” the patient answered.

THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP

Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup. He had heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!

FRESH-BREWED

Coffee Brewing Tip: If your coffee tastes like dirt it may be because it was just ground that morning.

Bob: “Here, try this cup of coffee from Nicaragua.”

Jim sips it and says, “Wow! All the way from Nicaragua and it is still hot!”

COFFEE MISUNDERSTANDINGS

Sam: “Old and weak, that’s my worst fear!”

Pat: “Don’t worry Sam, you’re in good shape!”

Sam: “No, not me, my coffee.”

Did you hear about the cow that gave birth? It was de-calf-inated!

There’s a newborn cow that keeps eating from that coffee tree in the field, it’s real calf-feined.

The newborn whale was transferred to a tub filled with coffee, cause of death was over calf-eination.

DIRTY COFFEE JOKES

I like my coffee like my men – big, strong and black

This coffee isn’t the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning, if you know what I mean.

The only thing dirtier than this spilled coffee is what I did to my wife this morning.

Last night’s lay, this morning’s brew.

Who could say no to a little morning-after grind?

GOURMET COFFEE LOVERS

Learn how to discern all of the fine nuances of coffee flavors and qualities including body, aroma, acidity, bitterness, sweetness, and finish or aftertaste). Also provided is a full description of coffee cupping (professional coffee tasting), and as a bonus you get a compendium of coffee quotes and even a coffee quiz.

Thank You! for visiting Espresso Coffee Guide and Reading Coffee Humor – Coffee Jokes To Make You Laugh!

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